It feels a little heart-aching to be finally ready for something you’ve needed for a while. I didn’t expect it to feel that way at all. I just thought, if you were ready for it, then you will go for it with all your heart and not look back. Right now, after years of trying to move on, and failing to, the fact that this time around, the attempt at moving on was very smooth, kind of makes me feel sick inside. Or it could be that I need sleep and less caffeine. I am not sure.
I was on a trip yesterday with a bunch of people I do not know and a friend. Mom joined as well. It was nice to be driven around for a change. I socialized. People seemed interesting and seemed interested in talking to me. With some, a common ground was non-existent. With others, it was very much the opposite. Sharing some personal interests and hobbies made the conversation flow easier. I was, just like any other day, being myself. What was different, though, was their reaction towards me. Like I was interesting and approachable. It was something I was not used to. I was enjoying my time. They were genuinely passionate people. We toured, we drank, we ate, we bonded. It all went better than I thought it would. Much better. A little unexpected even.
So, here I am. The day after. I am at work, and things are still going on the same way. People here are reacting different. It is all positive, and to a certain extent of flattery. I am a little overwhelmed. God knows this never happened before. I was never the one people get interested in. I am interesting, but that’s what me thinks about me. That’s it. It was a little secret between me and myself. But now, it feels like that secret is somehow revealed , definitely not by me. Other people seem to want to be in on that secret.
I keep thinking this will go away soon. It was all accidental. At the same time, it feels nice knowing that someone is interested in knowing me. I did not get new boobs, nor am I dressing provocatively, nor acting differently, nor putting on beautifying make up. It must be something else; Something at a deeper level. That’s how it is supposed to be, isn’t it? At least, I hope it is.
Anyway, my theory is this: that old bearded guy that sold me breakfast and a couple of souvenirs yesterday definitely put a spell on me. Yea. That’s exactly what it is.
♦ ♦ ♦
Here is a montage of photos I took on the trip.
It was sunny. There were cats. There was wine.